Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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