It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
