I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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