you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize