bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
