u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
