I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize