if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went