i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.