You made me cry and you don't even care
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear