Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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