yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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