I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
