She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize