thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
