I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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