youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.