Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.