Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE