What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.