So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...