i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups