My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas