She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy