onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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