I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
