Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
