The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳