I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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