Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers