It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf