Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong