I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize