omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter