he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza