hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.