please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.