Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.