he thought i was a dude.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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