Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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