So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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