I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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