I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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