you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize