help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
