There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
