he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process