anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress