I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year