Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?