No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever