Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?