Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
