just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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