I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
