its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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