There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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