yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Two words: nipple clamps
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