Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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