Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.