nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.