Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.