Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
