So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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