Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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