I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him