I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?