So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.