I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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