I am in a vortex of obligation.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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