My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
