I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
