Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she smelled like a LAN party
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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