Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He is an equal opportunity slut.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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