So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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