4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves