im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.