I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.