Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.